Dr. Howards C. Samuels Logo
How to Deal with Trust Issues and Insecurities in a Relationship
by: Dr. Howard C. Samuels
How to Deal with Trust Issues and Insecurities in a Relationship

If you or your partner in a relationship has trust issues from the past, there’s a good chance it will also affect your present. People with trust issues are also often not aware that they even have them. The problem with trust issues from a past relationship is that it can cause you to react to something in your current relationship based on those issues and not the truth of the present. How do you resolve and overcome trust issues and insecurities in a relationship? Let’s explore some ways.

How To Overcome Trust Issues: 10 Tips

In order for a relationship to work in the long term, both people must work through any trust issues and fix them. At the beginning of a relationship, infatuation often keeps trust issues at bay. However, once that dies down and your relationship progresses to the next level, trust issues might pop up again. Seeing a therapist or going to couples counseling is definitely one way to deal with trust issues. In between therapist visits, you can work on these ten tips.

Tip 1 – Remember That Your Current Partner is Not Your Ex

If your trust issues stem from a past relationship where your ex was untrustworthy, it’s important to remind yourself that your current partner is not them. Even if your partner does some similar things, you shouldn’t jump to the conclusion that they’re just like your ex and will eventually prove themselves to be untrustworthy. Constantly thinking about your partner in the shadow of your ex will create bitterness and resentment on both sides.

Tip 2 – Be Clear On What You Want and Don’t Want

In any relationship, it’s important to know what you want and don’t want. It’s even more important if you’re coming out of a toxic relationship and have trust issues with men or women in general. One great way to make clear to yourself what you want in a relationship is to write it down. Seeing something in writing makes it clearer in your head than simply thinking about it.

Tip 3 – Think Before Reacting

It’s tempting to start believing wrong things based on zero hard evidence. For example, if you expect your partner to call or text you while they’re out and they don’t, you might jump to the idea that they’re cheating. This is especially likely if the other half of your previous relationship did this exact thing. However, without hard evidence, you should not assume your current partner is doing the same thing as your ex.

Tip 4 – Expectations Without Communication Leads to Disappointment

Communication is a common problem in a relationship. However, it can also lead to one partner having expectations of the other partner in the relationship without actually communicating this. The problem with uncommunicated expectations is that when the other person fails your expectations, you feel disappointed that they didn’t live up to them. This can cause trust issues for no reason. If you have certain expectations for a relationship, it’s very important that you communicate this to your partner. You should also encourage them to communicate their expectations to you.

Tip 5 – Don’t Try to Fix Someone Else Before Fixing Yourself

Don’t get into a relationship to fix someone else or even to fix yourself. A relationship is not going to fix your trust issues or any other issues that you might have. In general, it’s often a better idea to work on fixing yourself first before opening yourself up to another relationship. Bringing baggage into another relationship is only going to hurt it from the very beginning.

Tip 6 – Heal Yourself and Forgive Others

Forgiveness is a big part of moving on from a previous toxic relationship. If you don’t forgive the other person, you’re going to carry animosity with you and into another relationship. The good thing is that forgiveness leads to healing. Healing yourself is very necessary to move on from trust issues, and you can’t heal yourself without forgiveness.

Tip 7 – Don’t Be a Victim of Your Past

It’s also important to realize that who you are today is likely different from who you were in the past. Experiences change people, for better or for worse. You can look back at your past to see the lessons you’ve learned, but it’s important not to dwell there. Part of living in the present is allowing yourself to grow and become a different person from your past self. For example, if you had trust issues in the past but moved on, there’s no need to bring them into a current relationship.

Tip 8 – Know Who You Are

It’s difficult to know what you want in someone else or in life itself if you don’t know yourself. Trust issues might even stem from a lack of trust in yourself. A therapist will often recommend that you date yourself for a while before jumping into another relationship. Get a clear picture of who you are first.

Tip 9 – Compassionate Understanding

In a relationship, your partner becomes a mirror for things you might need to understand about yourself or work on. Instead of viewing your partner’s opinions through a lens of defense or attack, view them with compassion and understanding. A relationship with another person is one of the best mirrors you can find of your own growth as a person. If your partner has an opinion on your trust issues, it’s important to listen to them and understand why they might feel that way.

Tip 10 – Work On Your Relationship

This is the most important tip of all. The other nine won’t do you much good if you don’t put in the work for your relationship. Don’t be lazy, and don’t expect instant gratification in your relationship. Overcoming trust issues takes time. Don’t expect it to happen tomorrow or even in a few weeks. Sometimes this is hard to understand as the present day is full of ways to get instant gratification. But, a long and fulfilling relationship comes from both partners working on it and not being lazy.

Trust Issues After a Partner Cheats On You

This is one of the most common reasons people have trust issues in a relationship. The first thing to understand about being cheated on is that it most likely had nothing to do with you. Unless you were distant and abusive, the reason your partner cheated probably nothing to do with you. People who cheat in a relationship are typically people who need a lot of outside validation due to their own insecurities and inability to love themselves. People who are confident in who they are and grounded in reality don’t cheat. If the relationship is bad, they will simply leave.

This means that the person who cheated on you in your last relationship didn’t love themselves, so how can you expect them to love you?

If you are struggling with trust issues from a previous relationship that is affecting your current relationship, then Dr. Howard Samuels can help. Dr. Samuels is a therapist in Los Angeles who treats a wide variety of mental health and emotional issues. As a licensed therapist, he has helped many couples with relationship struggles. Find out more by contacting him today.

Contact Dr. Howard Samuels Today

August 26, 2020
Couples Counseling

Dr. Howard C. Samuels works directly one on one with his clients who come to him struggling with addiction. Dr. Samuels has extensive experience in treating addiction having directed some of the nations top programs to working with celebrities and appearing on national media to provide expert advice. Don’t miss the chance to work with the leading expert in addiction treatment.